This just goes out to anyone that had been worried about me. Well, I’m not okay.
I mean, I am. I’ll live. But my life is basically over and it’s all my fault. A lot of my past finally caught up with me and now I could land myself in the big house. I tried ending it the other day, but my body’s natural ‘dont-kill-your-self’inators kicked in and I kicked myself out of the noose before any serious damage was done. Doubt I’ll try it again unless life throws me some other straight up fucked up curveball.
I wish I would’ve done so many things differently. So many fucking things. If I could go back, I’d start by paying attention in school. Then, I wouldn’t let my heart be destroyed. I would keep it with me, safe and alone, through many years until I could give it to someone worth it. I would take back all the fucking around I did, all the perversions that could now be the end of me. If I could go back I would never even touch alcohol. Nothing but bad has ever come from me drinking. I wouldn’t break brice’s guitar because he could make Kelley smile. I would go back and take my finals and not withdraw from college. I would have actually given a fuck. I would have spent more time with my family, and actually helped them when they needed me the most.
I spent the majority of my life thinking I was doing good, but ultimately I have done nothing but evil. Now it’s my time to pay.Whatever the price is I’m willing to pay it. When i went to college I went with intentions of becoming a better person, and I failed even that.
I guess this is my “sorry.” to everyone. As if it matters. Many have probably forgotten me anyway. Continue with your lives. Live large and achieve your dreams. Learn from my mistakes. Do everything you can to keep the negative from controlling you’re life. Because once it does, you won’t be able to distinguish yourself from the demons inside.
